Fitting Room Etiquette

The mall…the worst place to be with a crazy shopaholic of a girlfriend who stops in front of every store to stare at the manikins for a good ten minutes, then makes her way inside to try on everything she sees.  Again, worst place to be.  I love Hollister.  They know what its like for us guys to shop with a girl, so they specifically designed the store to fit our every need.  There are couches in every room with magazines on a little stool next to them so we can recuperate from our exhaustion and read a Men’s Health or something just to let the mind relax for a little.  Another key feature of that store is the loud booming speakers that leave you deaf.  Not only can you pretend you didn’t hear her when she asked if you like something in that store, but you can ignore her for a good 10 minutes after you leave the store, and blame it on the ringing in your ears. 

As much as we’d like to ignore all questions when shopping and respond ‘yes’ to everything, there is always one that girls are very persistent on.  “How does this look?” On the outside, is seems like a simple question, but those of us who have fallen into the pit of death, those of us who know how delicate the answer to this question may be, take this moment very, very seriously.  A woman wants to hear she looks good…even if she looks like the girl from the ring.  When she asks you how she looks, there are certain risks you can take if you want to be honest and tell her how you really feel, but in-field research has shown that in most cases saying wht you really think is not what they want to hear, and they end up buying the ugly dress anyway, and grill you for the rest of the day.  If you do mess up and say something that she wasn’t wanting to hear (you’ll know you messed up with the evil glare she’ll give you)  don’t try to say anything to save yourself because the second those words left your mouth, her ears already assimilated, and she turned into defense mode. So in a way, saying the wrong thing is like stepping into quicksand, the more you try to save yourself afterwards, the quicker you sink to the bottom.  Here are some tips so you don’t end up with a face full of sand.  Remember the key to this is to keep it vague and simple.

Tell them:

  1.  “I like it”
  2. “you look good in anything baby”
  3. “mmm, yea”
  4. “nice!” (with a thumbs up)
  5. If it really looks so bad that you cant even lie about it, then look at what she’s wearing; remain completely silent; look in her eyes and tell her: “you truly are beautiful.  I really dont like that dress, but you make it look amazing.”

P.S.  I know there are some of you reading this and telling themselves…”I’m going to tell her the truth if she asks me ’cause I don’t have to lie to her.  I’m the man, she knows better than to get mad at me over this.”  Those of you who think like this,  congrats on being the ‘Man’… and going to bed alone that night.

Is She Still Into Me??

Its been days since she last called.  No “goodmorning” texts or “hii whats up”.  The last time you guys talked was last week when she .  Its not like her.  Usually she sends at least one text a day just to see how im diong.  And when i sent her a text, i never got an answer in return.  What if shes not interested, but what if its worse, what is she met another guy.  We’ve been going out for a couple of months now, but it wouldnt be the first time a woman changes her mind. 

The most common advice that any friend or lifestyle magazine might say is: stick with her, maybe shes going through a busy time in her life and shes been trying to contact you, but she hasnt found the time.  Stay patient and she’ll come around.  If that doesnt work, try and mend the distance yourself by sending her a text.  Something along the lines of “hey stranger”, to let her know that youve been thinking about her during this time apart.

Straight Bullshit. 

I’ve tried to follow through with their advice several times in the past, and it always turns out the same; If you have texted her a couple of times, and have called her more than once in that period of time away, you’ve done all you can do.  Fuck her! if she doesnt want to pick up or respond to your texts it’s because she died, her phone is broken (she alwasy has a house and work to call from) or shes not interested.  These times apart are delicate and if they are not patched together by both parts, then they can be a make-or-break in a relationship.  You can’t be the only one trying to get in contact, she should show some effort too.  Just remember some words of advice that no magazine or book on relationships that think they know guys is gonna tell you: if your not gonna marry her, then you might as well move on, because 1. you deserve better (no homo) 2. its not worth staying in a relationship where she doesnt care to talk to you 3. (this is the most important) the world is full of women! You can bounce back and find someone who values you and respects you just as much as you value and respect her.

First Day at the Blog

Women. They can be vicious, rutheless, bitches who leach on to you and suck every inch of man out of you; or they can be caring, compassionate lovers who support you and truly become your better half. This blog was started by men, for men, to try and piece together the 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzles we call women, and answer any questions we all have along the way. There is always a point in a man’s life where he is sitting alone at a park bench, ears still ringing from when his girlfriend or wife yelled at him, thinking there must be something somewhere that can help me deal with this woman…some sort of book that can tell me all I need to know about women. A Survival Guide for Men. Guys, this is it; forget your dog, this blog is man’s best friend.